Post Menopause, that is where I went. For 10 years, with every drop of disappearing hormones, so disappeared what little of Rita I knew.
The first notable change without even knowing me, is the weight I have put on. I was aways a bit overweight but obese was a place I never, in a million years, thought I would be. 45 lbs crept on in less than 3 yrs. Most noticeable in my belly and my butt. (I’m now told I have two butts). No change in my diet, but there was an extensive change to a sedentary lifestyle. Far from sexy for me, and miles from a confident happy self. I am in a bubble, keeping to me, hiding.
I may not like the postmenopausal me—and knowing that you may not like me, either can be overwhelming. Love and support are needed more than ever right now.
In researching menopause, I came across many comments from hurting men. A lot of them said they loved their wife for 20 or 30 years but she’d disappeared due to menopause. They reported that she became this person full of smart remarks, a flying temper, and some even abandonment. She changed into someone totally different and unfamiliar.
Unfortunately, that was/still is sometimes, my life. About 2 maybe 3 yrs of mean and nasty, angry, sharp, boiling over with rage at the smallest of things.
This was also me, out of control emotions. Crying at commercials, criticism, a reel, a TikTok, a look, thinking comments are slights at me.
I got everything menopause was handing out:
Foggy brain, memory loss, brain freeze, forgetting what I wanted to say mid-sentence, not being able to focus. I have stress, anxiety, bloating, fatigue, chronic disturbed sleep, dry skin, aching joints, painful sex, and most of all depression.
No one told me it would be like this, that these symptoms would be so severe and intense that my life would be disrupted for years.
I will be honest (Knocking on wood) the only thing I didn’t get severely were hot flashes.
Hormone therapy is helpful for a lot of people, but it’s not an option for me because of a family history of breast issues.
I am going to get through this. I am praying that most of these symptoms will dissipate as the hormone issues stabilize.
I have studied for many yrs and made menopause a very intense part of my degree. I am working on pulling out of my depression and working on being better holistically. Relaxation, stress management, mindfulness, meditation and maybe yoga.
Is this going to bring back the old me? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t remember much of the old me. I want to think that I am going to come out on the other end a much better person.
